dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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