I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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