her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
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