Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
