soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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