Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
