We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
