I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
