maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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