Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
