i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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