I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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