Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
This baby is an asshole
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
