My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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