a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
