So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize