My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
