i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
