nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i barfeds in our rink
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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