I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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