I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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