Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
wakey wakey hands off snakey
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
