pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
