K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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