i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
