it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
