im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
