Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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