He uses pillows to masturbate.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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