I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
