I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
