Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
