You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
