remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
