There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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