tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
