WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just high enough for therapy.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
