I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
