In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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