there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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