Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
even my farts smell like vagina
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize