Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
