the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize