you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
