There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
