Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
