9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
