He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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