ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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