My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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