I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
