i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
my shit smells like andre
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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