i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
