weddingsv make me drug and hornr
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
