remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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