theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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