I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
you will always have a special place in my vag
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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