She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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