I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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