seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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