Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
well you can't waste a boner
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
