I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize