your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
